Not one marriage is perfect. Every married couple have to deal with marital problems. Everybody knows this. Yes, marriage is a blessing from God. It should be treasured and cherished. But this does not mean that marriage is not beset with struggles and trials. In fact, marital problems is very common in a Christian marriage. Below are the list of the common marital problems every married couple experienced.
Criticizing Each Other
Right after the honeymoon stage, when the torch of love slowly burns away, married couples usually find themselves to be criticizing each other. All the quirks, mistakes and things you don’t like with your spouse’s behavior, that you were blinded to before, soon started to appear. This is actually normal. Men and women are not alike. We have our own differences. However, these differences doesn’t give you the excuse to constantly criticize your spouse. One thing you need to know, you cannot change your spouse even if you criticize them almost all the time. In fact, this would only drive more rift in your marriage. So if you want your marriage to overcome this problem, you must strive to criticize less, listen first before you give judgement. In this way, you not only respect your spouse but save your marriage from taking the path to doom as well.
Never Taking the Time to Look at Your Spouse’s Positive Traits and Admire Them
If you keep on focusing on the bad side of your spouse, you will always fail to see the goodness in them. Couples all have those instances where we just keep on criticizing our partner but we never mention the good things that they do. This is the main reason why most marriages fail. Without the ability to look at your spouse’s good side, a lot of things will start to go wrong. You start criticizing your partner, you start to nag them to change because you don’t like their attitude and soon it would lead to a conflict that nobody wins.
Most marital problems wouldn’t start to wane if you would learn to look at your spouse’s positive traits. If you would not focus on the bad side and you would take the time to admire their positive traits, no matter how small they were, your marriage will slowly and surely be on the right track. Soon, you’ll find out that your spouse has also becoming less critical and more admirable at your own positive attitude. It’s a two way traffic. But mostly if you began the change in yourself, you’ll soon see that your spouse mirror your good traits. Most marriages were saved by just taking the time to look at the positive traits your spouse possesses and taking the time to admire them.
Technically, stonewalling simply means that you’re being an unresponsive stone wall. But when it comes to marriage, stonewalling your partner means more than it actually means. You start to neglect their needs, you never listen to them when they start to communicate their complaints. You stop connecting to your spouse emotionally and you basically stop caring. You might do this to your spouse because you might be at your wit’s end and frustrated with all your differences but this is actually a very dangerous situation. When you start stonewalling your spouse, it is the start of the decline of your marriage. So as much as possible, when you see the first signs of this problem, resolve to eradicate this almost immediately. Even if you’re fighting, even if you have conflict, you never ever stonewall your spouse. Always make it sure to connect to them emotionally.
Expecting Too Much
Both sexes were at err with this problem. With the wives, they are expecting too much romance from their husbands, without realizing that they are no longer boyfriend-girlfriend but already husband and wives. With the husbands, they were expecting too much of their wives to do all the household chores. There are all other sorts of expectations, all of which stems from our pre-conceived notions of what and how marriage are supposed to be like. Thus, when you expect too much from your spouse, you’ll be disappointed over and over again if these expectations weren’t met. The biggest problem with having too much expectations is the fact that not all the time, your spouse knows your expectations.
Not fulfilling Each Other’s Sexual Needs
This is not a cliche. This is actually true. The problem of not fulfilling each others sexual needs usually starts when one starts to use sex as a tool to get something that they want. They start to withdraw from fulfilling the sexual needs of their partner when they can’t get something or if they were in a fight or in conflict over something. In fact, the subject of sex is the most common area of conflict for marriage couples. However, there’s a huge difference on the subject of sex between men and women. For women, before they could give physical intimacy, they wanted to be emotionally connected to their spouses first. But when it comes to men, they uses physical intimacy to get emotionally connection with their spouses. Such a huge difference. Hence, one of the most common marital problems in a Christian marriage.
This problem is the most dangerous of them all. When this problem occurs in the marriage, it usually leads to separation or divorce. The betrayal of trust and commitment is one of the killer factor that most marriage cannot overcome. Infidelity though almost always is a result of the breakdown of the marriage and not the cause of the breakdown of marriage. So if you want to avoid this dangerous problem, always make sure that you avoid most of the martial problems mentioned above in a Christian marriage.
With the above marital problems of every Christian marriage, you only has to do the exact opposite of these problems. Meaning, you never criticize your spouse. If you do, make sure you lessen it. Always make sure to look into your spouse’s positive habits and always takes the time to admire them. You would never expect too much and you would never stonewall your spouse. Listen to them, communicate with them and always make sure that you got an emotional connection. You also need to fulfill your partner’s sexual needs. As the Bible says, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another. (1 Corinthians 7:3 – 5a).” And most of all, you should be faithful with each other. Do not defile the marital bed. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Hebrews 13:4).” Making sure to avoid the above common marital problems, your marriage is surely in the right track.